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Friday, February 17, 2006

spiders web holds the dew as do you in your heart

elijah speaks.1
chapter.1 (katiejane)

some mercurial defeat

i'm not so sure about my motives

background underground selfish clamourings

life is as life does

those that take rarely give

i am a taker, a seagull, a vulture

its all for me and poured into my tiny empty cavernous chest

feed me feed me in excelsusis

is there a line of contact for anything? shopping lines? washing lines? and checking surreptitiously for scraps under the table

this vein seems full of oil rich sticky black minerals today

can i reroute the brain?'

choose to think differently'?

can i do that or do i just step sideways and let the downpour fulfill her own prophecy?

she jump all over pinging and springing in ricochet like a flea circus

always returning to the same place

chapter.2 (elijah and katiejane)

stone turns eventually, kick back and shake away all that disables your true purpose, elijah is no shriven task master or fool, make your beautiful work for that is all and why would you question intent for the clouded and silver linings abound, your lovely veneer dust and clothing will make for cascade(ing) enormous discoveries and made when the servant takes herself around the back to do the tasking ascribed unto the logical outcome of such genetic, abuse is a cold blade and the knife falls away in the hot spring spas, cover, submerge and take the form

'can you hear me?'

of course, smiles and imagination is no distraction,

'shall i go to whales?'(wales),

do anything you want

'speak to me elijah'

amongst plans and scripture there is a golden rule and nothing can obscure this from you and your name has been forged from the prophet isaiah

'what can i do with the selfishness in my heart, with my crude and cold longing?'

lie down as a lamb

elijah speaks .2

clouded silver lining therein, enough to hold when the seas are threatening, you are aligned and affinity with this progress, you are so loved in the great procession of souls crossing over the ice fields, for we do know how cold it has been for you but this forges deep into your heart allowing for my intake of breathing through you and all this time you thought you should take your leave but you now know how all things make sense eventually

elijah speaks.3

elijah'what has happened to nev?'

(this is) beyond the context of this interview

rolling green hills, there is water, the river, drop everything, lie down as a lamb

sequential visitations, notice

coming the answer to questions that need answers, will shine in the truth from which they came, (do not?) leave any stone unturned, beneath rocks always a dazzling river, for the underground is a mine in the rainbow quarries, salutations sunrising from the depths of your heart and we ask you: worry about nothing for you are in beloved arms reaching from galaxy to starbursting moonshadow on the heart (is a temporary moment of reflection), morrow light a million ways spreading and cascading beyond and in crucial moment in tachet (tacit?) morrow, forebear and breeding, collect at the subatomic particles for our inventory, tomorrow you always strike for when this moment is the only one within your grasp complete and intertwining with beautiful moonbow so shadows unlock your heart and therein find your dwelling place

'fiachra, varya, why do i print those names elijah?'

animals in the zoo need feeding and extra love and attention, varya needs your love, she feels observed and you understand, i do not need to say anymore about that, where once she was wild and free now she is captured and this makes a soul to be as if in a cave, so we must open some doors wide for her where her spirit can adventure and kill (feed) and explore

'what of fiachra?'

(then always tomorrow and) the unwinding set in motion is in her becoming stages, hearts with holes cannot hold their true vibration, so much work will be done to mend our broken hearts though as you know so much loving on the shadow side of the moon this gestation and becoming

'please speak to me directly'

a message for this moment: cleaning is a directive from spirit, walk and be allowing of the restful sky to calm your breath and to quiet down the walls, whitewash clear and clean the graffiti etched onto you soul, a new page and a clear day for the writing and music spilling from your heart, allow me to speak blessed and beloved in all our configurations, spiders web holds the dew as do you in your heart


Anonymous Sarah said...

This is a truely beautiful read.
I especially like the last paragraph, it spoke to me. I feel that I relate to it (although it may not mean what I think) I relate in the way that I must learn to love myself now.

Sarah .ox (The girl who gave you a necklace at the queen adreena sugarmill gig)

8:20 PM  
Anonymous kontrary said...

When you break down to ashes all thats left to do is clear them away.

Never leaving a trace that they were there to begin with. Bleaching the floor and trying to forget who it used to be in that dirty pile on the floor.

Its too much for me to bear thinking about.

It still cuts to the bone...my floor cannot get clean.


1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, what a channel! There are those who are envious...

5:20 PM  
Blogger emptysky said...

No other band in history can match the walking trainwreck that is Katie Jane Garside. I worship Katie Jane Garside because she’s a reflection of me. Her shaking stick thighs are a physical reflection of my mind. Queen Adreena are the band for fans who have no friends; sitting at home every Saturday night singing along with the manic lyrics like we wrote them ourselves. The musical genius (yet simplicity) of guitarist Crispin is definitive & stands alone, but is nothing without seeing Katie bring it to life on stage; a live video being the closest I’ll ever get to such an extraordinary experience. Katie reflects everything that’s ugly about womanhood: anorexia, self-harm, murder, sadomasochism, suicide. She’s a walking dichotomy between aggression & retreat. The bones that shake beneath her pale, exposed skin are both a protest &amp;amp;amp; retreat; she’s a walking personification of Bordo’s Unbearable Weight. Microphone leads knot, tangled around her neck like a noose as she belts out the four most memorable shrieks in music: “I’m pretty like drugs!”. Her asphyxiated gasps for breath ring out over the unleashed distortion as we struggle to breathe along with her. She stands upon the heart-shaped chair, raising her fists angrily in her blood stained rags for clothes & bears her unshaven vagina to the delight of fans before smashing the chair on stage, not caring at all about the fans in the first row who cop it. Her hair flicks like whiplashes across her sweat-drenched face as she breaks out into a fit & begins muttering gibberish & crawling across the floor. She then cracks it, throwing the microphone stand at Crispin in a sporadic fit of rage & then walloping his head with the metal, unleashing a fit of sonic feedback as he falls to the floor & struggles to plug his guitar back in amidst her caustic attack. It’s a relief that she forgot about the empty red wine bottle that lies beneath the chair, the one she clutched like a life preserver before chugging just moments earlier; if she remembered it the stage-act could have been lethal. She’s like a slap in the face; awakening us all from comatose. There is nothing more empowering than watching this frail Ophelia beat up men whilst screaming her lungs out; the paradox is remarkable as she reclaims her feminine dispossession through violence whilst at the same time reverting back into her gendered role as the weak & fragile woman: “I pray for the lover, the willing & tender, to break down the girl of a heavenly surrender”, she whispers in a prayer-like position before breaking out into silence, dropping the microphone & walking calmly offstage. Katie also lapses between the child & the adult in both her lyrics & onstage antics; she manages to ooze sex appeal whilst at the same time singing nursery rhymes in childlike voices & playing with dolls, tea-sets & offering the audience pink flowers. She’s a walking contradiction & represents the borderline between many things: innocence & the provocative, power & fragility, sanity & madness. It’s euphoric watching her break, & breaking with her. But Katie is not all withered violets & pansies for thoughts. She speaks the truth, pelts out the words that haunt us all in our darkest hour: Razor blade sky, forever and ever and ever. When we watch her it’s like looking into a mirror; we’re watching aspect of ourselves that usually lie buried, covered. Queen Adreena unearth the darkest realms of ourselves that are concealed by social mores; they stand (& lie, sit, roll around & get caught up in birdnest hair) before us naked & completely unashamed. She is me.If you haven’t listened to this band yet, you’ve missed the making of music history.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear katie please could you write a proper blog entry, i.e today i went to the shops, i brought a nice hat. i later saw pete he was playing drums. id be very grateful. x

4:19 PM  
Anonymous another anonymous person said...

The mind goes on with its endless production and, therefore, one cannot surrender content as fast as it is produced; it is a losing game.

Next, on hears that is is not the content but attachments to the content that is the problem. This brings some relief but also brings the next question: how does one let go of attachments?

It is necessary to examine the nature of an attachment. it is based on a belief and a desire. the belief is that a mental content will bring happiness and solve problems; therefore, the attachment is to the implied promise that it is the thinking itself that is the road to happiness (wealth, success, love, ect.).

To let go of the thinking therefore seems frightening because it is also seen as the main tool of survival; plus, it is 'me'. As 'me' it is viewed as unique, personal, and precious, and it constitutes the main data base of identification of 'who i am'.

The fear of the loss of self-identity brings up resistance. As we get closer to the discovery of the source of the ego's tenacity, we make the amazing critical discovery that we are enamored with our self.

even if thoughts are loaded with pain and failure and have been a disaster and source of suffering, we still cling to them because 'they are who i am', resulting in a love/hate relationship with them. To ensure its survival, the self also learned how to 'juice' satisfaction and energy from the negative emotional states. It thrives on injustice, martyrdom, failure, and guilt. the ego secretly 'loves' and
clings to the position of victim hood and extracts a distorted pleasure and grim justification from pain and suffering. This can be seen in many cases as an addiction and a lifestyle. the 'loser' is and almost romanticized figure in music and folklore ( e.g., mr. bojangles, the 'bag lady', the 'down and outer', the rejected lover, ect.).

All along we have been 'in love' with our thoughts and we cherish them. We defend and make excuses for them. We are jealous of our beliefs. We prize them and alternately despise and punish ourselves with guilt and self-hatred. Altogether, however, it is and infatuation. the self-image gets glamorized because it is the stage upon which the drama of our life parades. To let go of what is loved brings up fear of loss. to the self, all love objects are seen as a source of happiness.

The next core problem is the difficulty of letting go of emotional love--not because of the love itself but because of the attachment to that which is loved. We think that the loss of a love object brings grief, but actually, the grief is about the loss of the attachment itself, which is due to viewing the object of love as the source of happiness. Grief is due to the illusion that one has lost a source of
happiness, and that the source of happiness is 'out there'.

If one looks at the feeling of happiness, it becomes clear that it is actually located within, although the trigger may appear to come from outside oneself; the sensation, however, is totally an inner feeling of pleasure. The source of happiness is therefore actually within and is released under favorable circumstances when the mind experiences a desired outcome. By inner examination, one will discover that the event merely triggers an inner innate capacity.

With the discovery that the source of happiness is actually within one's inner self and therefore cannot be lost, there is a reduction of fear.

Viewed from reality, thoughts are actually an 'out there'. although it may sound amazing, they can be totally dispensed with because they interfere with the achievement of true happiness.

The critical issue

Without undue effort, it is relatively easy to make the amazing discovery that one is attached to thinkingness because of being secretly in love with it. Because of being in love with the self, it is held in high esteem. There is a fear of its loss due to the attachment that goes along with what is loved.

The next step is to discover what or who is in love with itself and when this primordial phenomenon arises. 'something' is in love with our existence and attached to that existence, and it is noted that the ego (mind/body/self) is the love object. There is a subject and a object. There is a 'this' ('I') that is in love with a 'that'(the self, i.e., narcissism).

With contemplation, reflection, and meditation, the core of one's identifications progressively surfaces. It will be found that the true love for the self arises from something that is greater than the self and capable of totally encompassing the entirety of that self. The totality of the self is held within a larger underlying nonlinear field of awareness that is always present. It represents context rather than content. By analogy, it would be like looking at the planet earth from outer space, where space is the context and earth is the content.

To look within for the actual source of love leads to the discovery of the self. like the sun, the self is ever present, unconditional, and not subject to thought, opinion, or attitude. The self is the source of life and the subjective awareness of existence.

Later, it is discovered that even existence is unnecessary to the self. It is beyond all dualities; there is no duality between the self and existence. The unmanifest and manifest are one and the same.

Consciousness may include content or it may not. by analogy, space is not dependent on the presence of planets or universes, yet it includes all of them.

Love is beyond duality; it does not need a subject or an object. It is a quality of reality which is independent of circumstances.

With surrender, obstructions are dissolved by the infinite compassion of divinity which unconditionally loves all that exists for that existence is the manifestation of God. Only illusions could make this obvious truth not apparent.

Enlightenment is merely the emergence of truth when the obstructions to the realization of that truth have been removed. By analogy, the shining of the sun is not conditional upon the removal of the clouds; it merely becomes apparent.

In reality, love is independent of existence and does not need fulfillment; it is complete and total within itself.

- Reality and subjectivity.

2:25 PM  
Blogger AvaMai said...

And such is suchness... hiding under water but shes still here, you knew that

11:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

remember kids....just say no

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your fucked up I love it. Perhaps you should collabrate with the Levellers - what a concent fuckedupness and folk how cool would that be

More QA please!!!

2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Makes you laugh really, half the people who post on here really think they are you KJ how sad no identity

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Josh said...

I adore your writing style just shudder inducing to the senses, write a book.
Do you enjoy the work of Henry Miller?

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah it does make you laugh. Katiejane Garside gives mentally ill people a reason to be mentally ill. when is she going to post a proper blog?

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, well said... I'm sure art is only for the normal people who find art too weird, eh?

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"today i drew a picture of crispin playing guitar, im later going round his to give it to him and finally beat him at dominoes.."

3:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't understand, why do you folks even consider yourself fans? Are you just a bunch of metalhead kids that think she's cute?

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

its only art if you encompass everything else as art too. clouds are art. people are art buildings are art and nothing at all is art and therefore everything she does and says is art aswell. my ass is art (and cute)

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

where is elijah? missing your input here, love and kisses

10:49 AM  
Anonymous The Messenger said...

Elijah is silently observing. Outside looking in.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

that last message is shite twat

12:23 PM  
Blogger Tim said...

people looking to closely at the cunts will see the same thing.
a doctor of looking at tunnels. tunnel with two, maybe three tubes. in comes the air and the energy, out comes the shit and the sex.
making another baby to do the same i tell you. making another baby.

there is nothing wrong with anything and so on.

3:38 PM  
Anonymous Sleepy said...

Some really nice people here. xxx

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SOme real cunts too

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TRAVELLERS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Sleepy said...

Yeah, anonymous who said "SOme real cunts too"....that's what I meant. I just thought sarcasm would work better but obviously you gotta call a cunt a cunt these days.
Some real nasty people here, Katie.
Love and Dolphin clicks.

10:46 PM  
Blogger Tim said...

People saying the "C" word out of context will be shot. It is forbidden. Nasty people excluded.

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


9:30 AM  
Anonymous ColeMarie said...

Ah yes...
But what I find very interesting is...
Katie inspires PASSION in people...
people don't just like katie if they do they LOVE her...
People who don't like her obviously are passionate about that too 0,o
she inspires people to feel


Katie - 1
Everyoone else - 0


sorry rant over

8:01 PM  

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